My dad says this to me all the time about my OCD. This is usually done in a joking manner, but it does not take away the sting from the words. I am sure many people hear this when they are dealing with a mental illness. I am sure people are wondering why I couldn’t just stop being afraid and be alone with my daughter. Or why I couldn’t stop being scared of 20/20 or Dateline. Honestly, I wondered that myself.

I would try my absolute hardest to fix my problems and stop the intrusive thoughts, but the harder I tried the worse it got for me. Why couldn’t I just suck it up like my dad said? I have learned that it is not as simple as “suck it up” when dealing with a mental illness. It is a sickness just like a physical illness. I am not going to lie, it has been worse than any physical illness I have had in my life.

Postpartum OCD drained my entire soul. It literally sucked every ounce of life I had in me. I have never felt that in my entire life. I could only think about my intrusive thoughts and nothing else. I was nothing besides my OCD. This has been one of the scariest things I have ever experienced. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I could sit there and try to explain to my dad all the sleepless nights I had where I laid there in terror, or the days where I was so panicked I couldn’t even move. Sadly, it is hard to explain that to someone who doesn’t deal with a mental illness.

If there is one thing I would tell to myself who was dealing with postpartum OCD so severely is, you do NOT have to suck it up. What you went through was terrible and you deserve to be happy. Do not let other people take away that happiness. So no, I do not have to “suck it up” with my mental illness, and neither do you.