One thing I think really sucks about OCD is how lonely it can make you feel. When I was at the height of my postpartum OCD last fall, I had never felt more lonely. I was terrified that I would hurt my own daughter or someone in my family, so I isolated myself. It’s counterproductive because I thought I was isolating myself for the good of my family, whereas I actually needed to be with more people to help me.

Not only can OCD make you isolate yourself physically, but it can isolate you emotionally. Since I basically thought I was going to harm someone, I felt like I couldn’t share my feelings. I felt like there was no one on earth who could understand me. Not only that, but I was terrified someone would take my daughter from me. There was nothing worse than this feeling. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

The more I thought about what I was thinking, the more isolated I felt. I watched everyone live their lives happily while I suffered in silence alone. On the outside, I portrayed a happy go lucky mother, while I was slowly dying on the inside. This was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my entire life. I wished so badly I could be any other happy normal person. I desperately wanted to be anywhere else but my own mind.

One thing that has really surprised me about learning about my mental illness, is how lonely people who suffer from it are. I wish there were more communities out there for people like us to help relate to each other. People who don’t have a mental illness such as OCD, sometimes don’t understand what we go through every single day. Just know if you are reading this post and feel lonely with your OCD, know you are not alone, and it does get better. We are in this together.