In my darkest days of postpartum OCD I felt like I wouldn’t make it. I was barely surviving. Literally, I would wake up every single morning, after not sleeping I might add, and go through the motions to make it to another night of not sleeping. I would just lay there and cry and cry and wish I could be anyone else but me. I felt like everyone else on this earth had to be having a better experience than me. Why couldn’t I be those people?

Postpartum OCD has completely changed my life and forced me to really look at myself and how I am living. When I go through these OCD episodes, I completely wish I could be a different person. I start hating who I am and see how happy other people seem, and I desperately want to be those people. I would spend days and weeks looking at happy people’s lives and be so jealous of them.

I would literally sit there and nit pick every single flaw that I have and compare myself to others. This put me in an even worse headspace than I already was with my anxiety and OCD. I felt like I didn’t deserve anything that I have. It really sucks to be in such a negative headspace that you literally start hating yourself. I hated this feeling. No one deserves to feel like they are uncomfortable in their own skin. You only get one life, and it is a terrible way of living to not love yourself.

Slowly, but surely in therapy I have learned to gain my confidence back and start to love myself a little more. There is nothing wrong with me. I am just a normal person living with OCD. I am still a funny, pretty, smart, caring, and good person. Before therapy, I would never imagine saying something like this about myself. I no longer want to be someone else. I am perfectly good with being me. I hope if you are reading this that you realize you are perfectly fine how you are. Don’t ever change who you are. You deserve to be happy in your own skin and love yourself.