For so many months I felt like I was in a vicious cycle of intrusive thoughts and terror. I absolutely hated my life. I was like this is how I live now and tried to accept it, but I was miserable. I felt like there was no hope for me, and I would never be happy again. To be honest I dreaded ever going to sleep because I would have to wake up the next life and relive the same horrible day as the day before. I can honestly say this was one of the worst experiences. I have ever had. Being afraid of being with my own daughter is one of the most awful feelings.

Fast forward to eight months later, and I love my life. I have never been as happy as I am now. I found out, through the right treatment, that I had postpartum OCD and just full blown OCD. I have been attending weekly therapy sessions for eight months, and I finally feel like I can be the best version of myself. Now that I actually knew I was dealing with straight up OCD, I am able to treat it and be happy. Before, I was just making it from day to day and was so fragile that I couldn’t handle any little stressor.

Yes, OCD is terrible. It is one of the most debilitating mental illnesses out there. Basically your own mind works against you to make you believe your worst fears imaginable will happen. It can convince you of everything. Fortunately for me, my treatment has helped me realize that my worst fears are just fears. I am not afraid anymore. That wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t find the amazing therapist that I did. If you have postpartum OCD or just OCD, there is hope. Treatment actually does work. You CAN live your best life, and you deserve it.