I first saw something about glimmers on TikTok. It was where people were posting about small glimmers of hope in bad situations. When I was in the thick of my postpartum OCD, I felt like I was drowning. I could not see a silver lining or any glimmer of hope for me. I was just barely surviving in the same vicious OCD cycle that was draining my soul.

The first glimmer I experienced with my postpartum OCD happened during my first week of therapy. My husband was going to be working three days of twelve-hour shifts, and my parents were going to be gone. That was the worst thing that could have happened in my mind. I could not be alone with Caia. I was going to have a breakdown. My therapist really built me up and helped me realize I could do it. She offered I could text her if I needed. I am so grateful for that. I survived the first day. I could not believe I did it. Me surviving that one day alone was the first glimmer of hope I saw for myself.

From that day on, I started getting more glimmers in my postpartum OCD episode. There was the time I took Caia to see Santa and had a good time, the first time I slept the whole night without fearing that I would hurt someone, and the time I ordered Caia and me matching sweaters. These were just some examples small glimmers, but the small things of good can really add up. Slowly, these glimmers made me happy again. I was starting to get my life back on track.

More recently, I can think of two good examples of glimmers that had a huge impact on me with postpartum OCD. One day, I was at my grandma’s house with Caia, and we were feeding her fish together. Caia and I were both laughing because she was trying to eat the food. Another one actually happened last night. My husband and I took Caia to a Mexican restaurant together to eat as a family. Caia sat next to me in the booth, not even in a high chair. She and I laughed the entire time and ate food together. During both of these glimmers, I kept thinking, “wow, I cannot even believe I am in the place I am now.” I am happier than I have ever been, and am so thankful to be able to enjoy Caia. If you have postpartum OCD, try to look for the glimmers. I promise you will see them.