When I was growing up, I had three siblings. I always wanted a large family of my own because I had so much fun with my siblings growing up. I thought it would be perfect to have three or four kids, but then postpartum OCD happened to me. Having another child after what I went through seemed near impossible to me. I never wanted to go through what I went through again. I thought I was going to just have my daughter Caia, and that would be it.

A mental health scare like postpartum OCD has a way of preventing you from living your life. It was preventing me from wanting to expand my family. Postpartum OCD is a real concern for me because mine was so bad the first time. After a year of weekly therapy sessions, I realized I was allowing my postpartum OCD to control my life, and I was mostly recovered. I always wanted more kids, and I was not going to let what happened to me in the past dictate how I am to live in my future.

Finding out I was pregnant again was such an exciting moment for me. I felt genuinely happy seeing the positive pregnancy test. Then my mind instantly went to, “okay how do I manage my OCD during this pregnancy?” The last thing I wanted was to not be able to enjoy this pregnancy because of mental health. I decided with my doctors and therapist that I needed to continue staying on my Lexapro. It keeps me stable and happy. It was not worth it for me to try to go off of it, when it was really helping me.

I also know this time around, a plan for postpartum after care is going to be essential for me. I had no idea what to expect with postpartum the last time I was pregnant. Not having a plan, and just trying to survive really took a toll on me lat time. I will not let that happen again. I have been trying to be really proactive in knowing what to do for my postpartum care. I have also involved my husband so we can be on the same page. As I get closer to the third trimester, I am also going to work with my therapist to have a plan for postpartum. Just knowing this has made me feel so much better.

Despite what I went through with my first pregnancy and postpartum OCD, I am determined to not let it ruin my time with my daughter and new baby. I am using what happened to me as a lesson for the future and not look at it negatively. I deserve to live my best life and enjoy my pregnancy. What happened with postpartum OCD isn’t our faults, but we have the power to take our lives back. I am deciding to not let it ruin my future plans with my family, and I hope you won’t let it ruin yours either.