If you have been through postpartum OCD, it changes you forever. I am a totally different person than I was before I was diagnosed with postpartum OCD. I have to worry about problems I didn’t have before this diagnosis. I am not as carefree as I used to be as a person. Different things still can trigger me, although it is not as bad as it was. Like I have said before, I don’t wish that it didn’t happen, but I absolutely do not want it to happen to me again. I think anyone who has been through it feels the same.

As I prepare for my second baby, I have been reflecting with what went wrong with my first pregnancy. I was not prepared for postpartum at all. My doctors didn’t even tell me that I would be bleeding after. I had no idea what to expect. I assumed that I would have the baby, and then I would just go home an live my best life. I laugh thinking about this statement. I was so naive. My doctors were so focused on a healthy pregnancy that the postpartum phase fell by the wayside. I feel bad for other first time moms because this seems to be a common occurrence.

I am doing everything in my power to not suffer in the postpartum phase. Since I know what to expect this time around, I have been preparing the whole time. I bought a postpartum kit that includes spray bottles, cooling pads, and disposable underwear. Just knowing I have that at home already helps me sleep better at night. Nothing was harder for me than trying to take care of a newborn when I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Anything I can do, no matter how small, to be more prepared, I will do.

Not only is the physical aspect of postpartum a huge part in feeling good, but I know I have to take care of my mental health as well. I had only been warned of postpartum depression with Caia. No one told me anything about postpartum OCD. Luckily I know the signs now, because I went through it, but I feel terrible for the moms who have no idea. They shouldn’t have to suffer like I did. The only reason I found out I had postpartum OCD was because of my therapist. My OBGYN office had no idea what I was dealing with at the time.

In order to keep my mental health in a good space, I have been doing everything I can to make sure I have all the resources. I have my Lexapro, therapist, and great support system. I didn’t have the Lexapro or therapist last time until I got diagnosed. I know all the signs to look out for this time, and I have been having conversations with my husband to let me know if he sees anything remotely similar to what happened to me last time. I am still worried about how the lack of sleep will affect me this time around, but knowing I have the resources this time from the beginning makes me feel better.

No mom deserves to feel how I felt dealing with postpartum OCD. Being as prepared as we can is the only thing we can do to have a smooth transition in the postpartum phase. I refuse to let postpartum OCD control my life again. I can’t change what happened to me during my first pregnancy, but I can do everything in my power to not let it happen in my second one. Postpartum is a challenging phase for every single mom out there, and we deserve to be as prepared as possible. Sometimes we just have to take matters into our own hands.