I absolutely hate hurting anyone’s feelings. I will do anything to make everyone else happy even at the expense of my own happiness. I am the go-to person in my family, the person that will go to every doctor appointment, every trip, or anywhere that anyone needs to go at the time. Sometimes, I didn’t want to do these things, but like I said, I hate hurting anyone’s feelings. I always hoped that if I was the person everyone could count on, then I could count on them when I needed someone. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

Here is one example of my people pleasing behaviors that ended badly. My sister wanted me to come visit her at her house. It’s about two hours away from where I live. I wanted to see her badly, but I knew it would probably be too challenging with a two year old and a ten week old. Instead of me being honest with her, I just kept saying that it was a possibility because I did not want to hurt her feelings. On the day I was supposed to go, I just didn’t say anything, which ended up hurting her feelings more. I felt terrible. I did not handle that situation correctly at all.

Another example is from my sister’s wedding. Her wedding was at the end of April, one week before my due date of my second baby. The wedding was ten hours away. I desperately wanted to be there because she is my best friend, but I knew that I probably wouldn’t be able to travel. Like before, I waited until the last moment to say I couldn’t go, which hurt her more. Once again, I felt awful. I think I was holding onto hope that I could be at her wedding. I know that I was people pleasing again in this situation.

Every time I do something someone would consider people pleasing, I am hoping that I will get the same in return. I learned in therapy that is not nice or healthy. I can’t expect everyone to feel the same way I do about things. People pleasing also comes from a lack of boundaries, which I struggle with every single day. Going forward, I want to work on being more honest with others and myself. I will not expect people to give the same in return that I give, because that is unfair of me. Establishing boundaries for yourself is so important because, like I said, people pleasing always ends badly.