The question I hear every time I say I was diagnosed with postpartum OCD, is what is that? I hope this will give a basic understanding of what postpartum OCD is and what it is like to experience it from someone who has been there personally. This is just what I have learned and want to share with you from my own experience.
Adjusting to being a new parent or having another child can be a very stressful period in our lives. It is also a huge trigger for OCD. By my definition postpartum OCD is dealing with obsessions and compulsions, but they are specifically surrounding your child. They usually involve worrying that some kind of harm will come to your baby. In order to prevent this harm, you will engage in obsessions and/or compulsions that you think will help reduce the risk. As someone who does have this, it does not have to be both obsessions and compulsions. I only had obsessions, but they were debilitating. You can be diagnosed with postpartum OCD or experience symptoms anywhere from a couple weeks after childbirth to up to one year postpartum. I personally was not diagnosed until my daughter was 8 months old, although I showed signs of postpartum OCD as soon as Caia was three weeks old.
Here are some of the symptoms I experienced myself:
- thoughts worrying about something happening to Caia like dying of SIDS
- everything had to be a certain way with me taking care of Caia, as in her schedule was very important to me. If something threw off her schedule, I would panic.
- Obsessively checking on Caia before I went to bed to make sure she was breathing.
- Asking for reassurances from people to tell me I was being a good mom.
- not sleeping because of extreme anxiety and worrying about Caia
- thoughts worrying I would hurt Caia accidentally, or worse, on purpose
- panic attacks because of thoughts I was having
- Avoided anything that would trigger my worrying, for example, no longer watching Dateline or 20/20, even though I loved those shows.
- Could no longer be alone with my daughter or would have panic attacks
- Constantly having someone “watch” me when I was caring for my daughter
- Obsessively googling to find reassurances about my symptoms
I cannot even describe the pain and panic I experienced when I was at my worst with my postpartum OCD symptoms. The symptoms I have listed above are not the only symptoms you can experience; these are just the ones I personally dealt with myself. A lot of moms with postpartum OCD also obsessively worry about germs surrounding their babies or will repeat words, phrases, or prayers in a certain way so harm will not come to their baby.
What to do if you think you are experiencing any of these symptoms or think you have postpartum OCD:
- Do NOT hide your symptoms! I repeat do NOT hide the symptoms. They will get worse. Tell someone you trust and care about what you are experiencing.
- Realize you are not alone. So many moms deal with postpartum OCD, myself included
- Find a therapist who specializes in postpartum OCD if you can afford it. There are many virtual therapists out there who will be able to help, even if you do not live near one. Going to a therapist who does not specialize in postpartum might not understand what you are experiencing and diagnose you with the wrong disorder. (this almost happened to me).
- Do not rule out medication. I am currently taking Lexapro, and this has helped tremendously.
- Do not be ashamed of what you are experiencing. It is not your fault.
I wish I had told someone what I was experiencing sooner because my postpartum OCD became very severe. The sooner you tell someone what you are experiencing, the sooner you will get help and will be able to enjoy your baby again! I promise you it does get better.
Resources if you need help or are struggling with postpartum issues!
Every mom deserves to be happy and live their best life!
The one listed below is a place for you to report your symptoms of postpartum issues and get connected to the right help so you can get the proper diagnosis and treatment.
https://na0.icarol.com/pub/SurveyForm.aspx?org=137966&key=eb1fc096-4d45-479f-9024-3aa6039e2955