This is one of the main reasons I hid my mental health struggle for so long. I do NOT like admitting when I need help or if I am struggling to other people. I always want to be strong. I tried for as long as I could to keep a lid on my symptoms, until I couldn’t anymore. They kind of just poured out; resulting in a terrible panic attack/breakdown that made me look like I was nuts to my family.

The longer I tried to keep my symptoms inside, the sicker I got. I thought if I would try to push away my intrusive thoughts, I could get rid of them myself, especially since I was trying to prove I was a strong, perfect mother. That is the furthest thing from the truth. You cannot get rid of the symptoms yourself. That is why as time went on my symptoms got worse and worse.

When I finally had my major breakdown in front of my family, they were kind of shocked. I had been having smaller breakdowns prior to that, but my family just thought it was typical motherhood stress. It was not. I hated how weak I looked in front of them. My daughter had to stay with my husband while I stayed with my parents for two days. I actually told my family what I had been dealing with for the first time fully. I felt so small and weak.

Finally, when I got into therapy I had to learn that postpartum OCD is NOT a weakness. I am actually really strong for getting help and going to therapy. I am doing the right thing for me and my daughter. It has taken time, but I am slowly getting better. Mental illness is NOT a weakness. It is just a hand we are dealt in life and have to deal with it like any other sickness. Reaching out and getting help if you are showing symptoms of postpartum OCD is a sign of strength not weakness. Do not be afraid to reach out for help. You are not weak; you are strong!

For more information on resources for postpartum OCD, check out my resources page on this blog!