Dealing with a mental health struggle is a challenge no matter when you have it. However, I have had OCD my entire life, and I have never experienced something as challenging as Postpartum OCD. It drained the life out of me for months. Basically I was a shell of the former vibrant, funny person I used to be. This is something I never experienced, and I had no idea how to handle it. So instead of getting help, I just let it take the life out of me.

The problem with having a mental health struggle while being a parent, is that there is never a chance when I could just sit and cry or hide in my bed. I had to be “on” all the time. My needs no longer were my priority. I had to focus all of my attention on Caia. There was never a time when I could process my feelings with any me time, especially in the beginning. Getting up all hours of the night also isn’t good for this situation. Basically being a new parent creates the perfect storm for those prone to mental health struggles.

Before, when I was dealing with my OCD, I could take all of the time I needed to process what I was feeling. I only had myself to worry about. Now, Caia always comes first. It also didn’t help that I was dealing with Postpartum OCD and my number one fear was being alone with Caia. Living with something like this struggle was basically my own personal hell. It is so hard to wake up every morning knowing that I would be alone with my baby all day.

I feel for anyone who is struggling with their mental health, especially if you are a parent. I would not wish that upon anyone. I will say that I learned I cannot neglect my own needs just because I am a mom. Yes, my baby’s needs are important, but so are mine. I couldn’t take care of Caia or be the best mom I could unless I took care of my mental health first. If you are a parent who is struggling with your mental health, you are not alone. Your needs should be top priority. Never feel guilty about that.