I know that the people in our lives usually have nothing but the best intentions to help us. However, sometimes the words that people say to us can do more harm than good. Sometimes when people try to make us feel better, they accidentally minimize the experience we are going through. In this case, it is postpartum OCD. It is so easy to say the wrong thing to someone dealing with postpartum OCD. Here are a few that I heard that made me feel small.

One: “It will get better.” Now this one is always said with the best of intentions. So many people want us to feel better and think that saying it will get better automatically helps. Sadly, it does not. I remember when I was in the thick of my postpartum OCD when someone told me that, I just felt so helpless. I kept thinking there is no way this could get better for me. Like I have said before, I felt like my life was over. I know, now, looking back, that it does get better, but that is not what I needed to hear at the time.

Two: “You should be grateful.” The amount of times I heard this one makes me want to scream. I was always told that I should be grateful that I was able to stay home with Caia and some people aren’t so lucky. I was always 100% grateful for my life, but I was literally afraid of hurting my own child and couldn’t be alone with her. Hearing that I should be grateful was not at all helpful to me. It made me feel like I was a terrible person for going through this and that I didn’t deserve to be a mom. No one should feel like that.

Three: “Others have it so much worse than you.” Yes, I am 100% aware of this. I know that I could be dying or whatever, but to me I felt like I was. I had never felt as low in my entire life than I have when living with postpartum OCD. Just because other people have it worse than me does not minimize the suffering I am going through. I am allowed to feel how I am feeling. I wish people would understand this. People with mental health struggles suffer greatly, and hearing someone tell you that others have it worse makes you feel like a bad person. Again, you are not.

Four: “Bless your heart.” Oh my goodness, I cannot with this one. I heard this from my OBGYN, my OBGYN! I am not even kidding. After months of the torture I lived with having postpartum OCD, my therapist suggested that I tell the OBGYN at my next appointment with them. It took me a lot of courage to say this. As soon as I said it, she said, “Oh, bless your heart.” Um, excuse me? I just suffered the most I have in my entire life and all they could say was “bless your heart?!” I could not believe it. This statement is definitely minimizing what I want through. Please do not ever say that to someone suffering.

Five: “You could lose your kids” This one literally pierces my soul. That is the last thing on earth I needed to hear from someone in my life. I hid my symptoms of postpartum OCD for months. When I finally got the courage to share with some of the people I trust the most, this is what I heard. I feared this the most. The last thing I wanted was to have Caia taken from me. When I went to my first therapy appointment, I was assured that I would not lose her. I finally felt relief. I learned that my thoughts are not actions. I understand why the people closest to me said this, but again, not what I needed to hear at the time.

Like I said before, I know that the people in our lives usually have the best intentions for us, but sometimes the words they say can unintentionally hurt us. That is why it is so important to have open and honest conversations about mental health. The more we understand the condition, the less stigmatized it becomes. Postpartum OCD is one of the most stigmatized mental illnesses out there, and we really need to change that. No one deserves to feel worse when they are already suffering greatly.