In my personal opinion, moms carry a heavy load in life. A lot of the time, the majority of parental responsibilities fall on the mom. In addition, many moms work full time while trying to parent. For moms that don’t work, staying at home is no walk in the park either. Being a mom is one of life’s greatest gifts, but it can take a toll on a person’s mental health if we don’t properly take care of ourselves.

When I first became a mom, I felt like I didn’t deserve to have any time for myself. I was the mom. Moms are supposed to be able to do everything for their babies. My “me” time consisted of me taking a ten minute shower in the evenings. As my husband went back to work, one month after Caia was born, a shower was even hard to find. I felt guilty taking any kind of break from Caia because I was responsible for her and didn’t want to bother other people. Looking back, I know that was the postpartum OCD talking.

The less breaks I took for myself as a mom, the more I would struggle mentally. I had such a short fuse at the time and could barely control my emotions. Any little thing could set me off, and I could go from zero to one hundred in a second. I started to not recognize myself. I spent most nights crying in my room feeling miserable. Not being able to do anything for myself was taking its toll on me. I always wanted to be there for Caia, but I was starting to feel the weight of the responsibility.

I started having more and more random crying attacks. I couldn’t hold them in, and they would happen anywhere. I would cry all the time at home, and my husband didn’t really know how to help. His work schedule prevented him from helping as much as he should, but he did help when he could. I know the stress I was feeling set me on the path to my spiral with postpartum OCD. I was unable to manage my emotions, stress level, and my sleeping schedule.

When I finally had enough and lost it completely, is when I started learning that I could not live my life as I had been. My therapist helped me see that I deserve time for myself that wasn’t just taking a shower. That didn’t make me any less of a mom. Once I started doing the work to get in a healthier place, my relationships with everyone improved, including with Caia. I take a break every Wednesday where my mom takes Caia for the day. That has done wonders for my mental health. Remember, every mom deserves to feel their best mentally. You can’t take care of someone else until you take care of yourself first.