I never thought I would be a person who needed to go to therapy. My family always was judgmental about therapy, so in my mind I would be disappointing them if I went to therapy for my problems. Up until my postpartum OCD episode, I had been mostly dealing with my OCD on my own unknowingly. I wish it wouldn’t have been like that for me because I probably would have had a handle on my OCD a long time ago, but there is nothing I can do to change that now.

When I started experiencing postpartum OCD symptoms, I had never felt so out of control in my entire life. I felt completely helpless, and I had no idea what to do anymore. I had just started taking Lexapro when I had a serious mental breakdown that told me and my family I needed help. My mom found me the therapist that has truly saved my life. She specialized in perinatal mood disorders and is one of the only people in the state who can do it. I was so lucky to have found her.

I remember my first appointment with my therapist, and she told me I was not crazy, not a murderer, and that I had postpartum OCD. She told me I would get better and that I would feel like a totally different person. For the first time in months, I finally felt like I could breathe. My appointments at first started out as twice a week, and as I got better they went down to once a week. I was actually really sad when that happened because I felt like my therapist was able to help me fix so much of what had been broken in me for so long.

Not only has my therapist helped me address my severe postpartum OCD symptoms, but she helped me figure out what led me there in the first place. I have learned that many factors can contribute to OCD, and it is important to get to the root cause. During my postpartum OCD phase, my biggest fear was hurting my child on purpose, but I learned deep down I had a core fear of disappointing people. Murdering someone was my mind’s way of finding the worst possible case scenario of my fear of disappointment. I never would have known that if I didn’t go to therapy.

I will be forever grateful to my therapist for saving me from my OCD. She truly changed my life in the best way possible. I learned more about myself in the last year than I have in my 29 years of life. I don’t think I would have been able to move on from postpartum OCD if I hadn’t gone to therapy. In a way, I know this was supposed to happen in my life because I was so unhappy and just didn’t know it. If you are hesitant about therapy, please don’t be because it can truly change your life.