Have you ever felt a strong need to prove your point to someone no matter the cost? This has been the story of my life. I am a very strong-willed and stubborn person. Sometimes when I get a strong negative feeling or recognize a perceived flaw in something or someone, I have to prove what I am feeling to anyone and everyone in my life. Partly this has to do with my OCD, especially when I am in a negative headspace. I will fixate on whatever is bothering me, and I can’t let it go until I prove my side to everyone. Often, this can be at the expense of my own happiness and relationships with others.

When I get into an argument with someone, I will do anything to prove that I am right. I have been called a “right fighter” my whole life. Like I said, I am very strong-willed and stubborn. Sometimes those qualities work to my advantage, when I am in a healthy place mentally, but other times it hurts my relationships with those in my life. I try to live my life a certain way, and for some reason I expect everyone in my life to follow those same rules. I can’t even meet my own expectations or standards sometimes, so it is definitely not fair of me to expect that from others.

Lately, I have been sleeping horribly. My seven month old, Emmi, is up at night every 2-3 hours, so I am not getting much sleep. Not sleeping makes my OCD tendencies a lot worse. I have been spending my last couple sessions in therapy working on the fact that I am a “right fighter.” When I am in an unhealthy headspace like I am now, it is easy for my stubborn OCD tendencies to impact me negatively. In these times in my life, I get into a very negative space where I turn into the judge and jury of people, when I shouldn’t be doing that. It only makes me miserable.

Being a “right fighter” has been impacting me negatively lately. When I get into this headspace, I am only hurting myself. I can prove my point and be “right,” but it doesn’t make me feel better. Usually, proving my point involves a lot of arguing and negativity. No one wins. I only end up hurting others and myself. While it hurts to realize this is one of my qualities, it helps me to be aware, so I can work on myself more. Like I said before, being strong-willed and stubborn can help me when I am in a positive headspace, but I have to be more aware of these qualities when I am in a negative space. I can prove myself to be “right,” but it is not worth the cost of my relationships.