Learning how to make friends as a child is hard enough, but I was not prepared how hard it is to make friends as an adult. Friendships for me have been really tricky because I have been burned by them in the past. I let losing my best friend during my freshman year of college dictate how much I put myself out there for friendships during my twenties. For me, it has been easier to stay surface level with people because I decided I never wanted to let someone hurt me like that again. I have learned through my therapy sessions, that behaving like that is not healthy at all.

Before my freshman year of college, I was very carefree with friendships. I would try to be myself with my friends. I never worried how people were perceiving me. Unfortunately, my freshman year of college changed that. Once I had my best friend of five years decide she no longer wanted to be friends with me, and my suitemate, I completely changed. I decided to no longer be myself within friendships. I wouldn’t let people know the “real me” because I felt like that version of me wasn’t liked. The truth was, it was just the wrong people I was trying to have as friends.

I let my freshman year of college alter me so much that most of my twenties were a very lonely time. I went through college basically with two friends. I would not let myself get close to anyone because I was trying to protect myself. The one person I was able to be my complete self with was my husband, Dalton. We have been together since our senior year of high school. He has never once judged me or told me to be different, and I am so thankful for that. It is such a freeing feeling to be able to show someone your true-self and have them love you for it.

Now that I have been in therapy for over two years, and I like myself a lot more, I know that I should try to put myself out there more with friendships. It doesn’t change that it is still scary for me. Trying to show the “real me” to people outside of my husband is scary. However, I want my daughters to see that having friendships are important. We all deserve to have friends. The truth is it is so scary for me to try to trust people when I have been burned so hard in the past. Friends really have the power to hurt us, but it shouldn’t be a reason for me to not have friends now. The right people will like me for who I am; I just have to be willing to put myself out there for people to see me.