If you guys haven’t read The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, you totally should. Her book is a kind of a survival guide on what to do when someone or something upsets in you in life. According to her theory, when someone does something that upsets or frustrates us, we are supposed to say “let them,” let them not like our life choices, let them not like our boundaries we set, let them choose to live their lives differently than me. Once you say let them, you are supposed to focus on the let me portion of the theory. The let me part is where you decide how you are going to handle the situation. Let me focus on living my life to make me happy, let me continue to protect my peace with my boundaries, and let me continue to live my life in a way that I am proud.

As someone who lives and struggles with OCD daily, I have found this theory to be extremely helpful to my own life. I have struggled with people pleasing my whole life because deep down my core fear is disappointing the people closest to me. I have never been able to make my own life choices without letting others influence my decisions. For example, during the year I struggled with severe postpartum OCD, I could not make a decision on whether or not I should go back to teaching. I knew in my heart that I wanted to stay home with my daughter, but I was so afraid of disappointing my dad. I thought he would only love me if I was teaching. In reality, I should have said let him be upset with my decision, and let me try to enjoy the time I have to stay home with my daughter.

Another area I have really struggled with in my life is setting boundaries to protect my peace. I have always felt that I have to do what everyone says no matter what, even if I am upset, because of my deep core fear of disappointing people. In the last ten years especially, I struggled with telling someone how I really feel because I am so afraid of upsetting people. Because of this theory, I should have been telling people how I feel nicely, and let them be upset with my boundaries. Let them be upset if I decide to stay home for a holiday, let them be upset if they can’t kiss my baby, let them be upset if I don’t want to be around someone. Let me continue to protect my own peace and happiness because that is really important. Setting boundaries is still something I have to work on daily.

In therapy, I learned that I also struggle with allowing others to live differently and make other choices for their lives. I have always wanted others to see my perspective and be heard, to the point of my own detriment. It turns out, people really don’t like being told how to live their lives, including me. In these situations, I have to say let them live differently than me, let them do their own thing no matter how much I wouldn’t do that, and let me continue to live my life in my own way. I really do still struggle with this one too. It is so hard for me to try not to control other people.

Since reading The Let Them Theory, I really am trying to make the changes this book suggests. I have spent so much of my life allowing others to control what I do out fear. That is no way to live. I want to look back on my life and be able to say that I have done the best I can to make myself and my family happy. We are going to have people and things in life that will upset us, and we just have to let it roll off our backs. Giving others and ourselves permission to live life, opens up so much free time for happiness. I am choosing to let them, and let me live because everyone deserves to be happy.