*Trigger warning, intrusive thoughts being shared. Two things really triggered my OCD and intrusive thoughts recently. I have to write about them because it helps me process and move on from them. My two triggers were, 1: the Ted Bundy movie on Netflix with Zac Effron, and 2: a story on Daily Mail about a mom killing her children. I know, I know I exposed myself to both of those by my own choice. Truly, I had been doing so much better seeing those kinds of things within the last year. Trust me, I would still get bothered by the events taking place, but they wouldn’t consume my whole life. I have noticed that since I have been struggling lately emotionally, it’s harder for me to tolerate those triggering types of events or stories.

I quit breastfeeding a little over two months ago. To be honest, I feel like that has thrown me out of whack a little bit. I’ve been reading, and it can take some time for my hormones to balance out again. The hormonal situation really messes with my OCD as well. I will say once I quit breastfeeding, Emmi started sleeping much better. However, the last couple of nights, she has been getting up for two hours at night and won’t go back to sleep. I know it is molar related, but it is terrible. When I don’t sleep, I definitely struggle to manage my OCD symptoms. On top of the hormonal situations, I also haven’t been to therapy lately. When I don’t go to therapy, I definitely notice a difference in my OCD symptoms.

Back to the intrusive thoughts. Whenever I experience a scare from my intrusive thoughts, I get so disappointed in myself. I have worked so hard for three years on trying not to get triggered enough to scare me from being with my children alone. I have struggled with that lately. Especially seeing that story about the mom killing her kids. What really bothered me about it was the mom had a TikTok account, and she was posting about making a life change. I was particularly upset by that because I have a TikTok account dedicated to helping moms with postpartum OCD. I know, I know, totally different situation, but I have to remind myself that these are obviously not my stories. I am not going to say much about the Ted Bundy sitch, other than he is just scary. Period.

Unfortunately, I have to keep reminding myself that OCD is chronic. I will always deal with the symptoms for the rest of my life. It is easier for me to accept that when I am in a good place mentally, but when I have struggles, it is really hard. OCD is one of the most debilitating mental health conditions. One little intrusive thought can send you on a downward spiral for months. I know that hiding from my triggers will never do me any good, and I have to face them head on in order to stay on a good path. I just have to keep reminding myself how far I have come and that OCD triggers are so much louder when I am struggling.