Before Caia was born, I thought I was 100% ready to be a mom. I was so excited to be pregnant, and I could not wait for my baby to be here. Fast forward to when Caia was born, I was not prepared at all for what was to come. I don’t think anyone is prepared for the adjustment to motherhood, no matter how ready you think you are. It is the biggest life change I have ever had to go through. Basically, you give up everything for your new baby. It is very difficult.

I remember Caia being a few weeks old, and I was upset because I couldn’t even go outside if I wanted to because I was tied down to a baby. I remember having a breakdown over it. I completely felt like my life was over, and it was over, as I knew it. I had a new life now. I was drowning in diapers, no sleep, and no freedom. It was a very lonely, sad couple of months for me.

I think if any new mom says they don’t miss their old life, they are lying. I kept thinking, “I miss my old life!” I kept thinking about all of the freedom I had before. I could sleep in when I wanted, go out to eat when I wanted, pick up and go anywhere whenever I wanted. Now I could not even leave my house to go to my garage. It was basically a slap in the face to me. I was wondering all of the time if I was even fit to be a mom. I would cry all the time and felt so suffocated.

Not only do you give up life as you knew it to become a mom, but it also changes your relationship with your husband/partner. I went from having the freedom to picking up and going on a date whenever to having to basically ask our parents like we were teenagers again for permission to go out. I hated it. I was like, “is this really my life now?” The answer is yes. I was now at the liberty of babysitters to hang out with my husband alone.

Everybody kept telling me it would get better, but I never felt like it would. I know that a lot of my feelings had to do with my postpartum OCD, but I genuinely thought my life was over. However, I was very wrong. My sweet Caia is the best thing that ever happened to me. Every time I hear her say a new word or say “mommy,” my heart melts. It truly does get better. Yes, the adjustment to motherhood is probably the biggest change we will go through in our lives, but it is also the best one. You just have to give it some time.