I have been a mom for 3 years now, and one thing I have learned is that I am truly on-call 24/7. I don’t think I can ever truly relax because I have to be ready just in case one of my girls needs me. Living like that was a hard adjustment for me in the beginning. I felt so much weight of that responsibility. I was only used to taking care of myself, and suddenly being responsible for another human 24/7 felt suffocating. During that time, I remember wondering if I would ever get my life back and crying.

The sudden shift in extreme responsibility of taking care of another human life is a huge transition for parents. The change happens so fast that it really is hard to adjust. Honestly, it is really challenging to even prepare for that change because we truly don’t know how it will be until we bring our babies home. I remember being the person to wake up at all hours of the night was really hard for me. I had no idea how important sleep was to me until I became the one waking up all night and getting up to take care of a baby all day too. This feeling really contributed to me having postpartum OCD because I really felt out of control with my own basic sleep needs.

Recently, my family went through a bad cold. My husband was able to take a NyQuil and go to sleep. I remember thinking that there is no way I could ever do that. I have to be ready at all times just in case one of my girls needs me at night. I was sick too, but I still had to get up in the middle of the night. My husband is a fabulous partner and father, but I do feel like I hold more responsibility as the mom. I think a lot moms are in the same position as me, and it is hard. It is hard to know that when I fall asleep I will be the one waking up with the girls, so I never truly can fall asleep knowing that I can rest.

In the past, having a sickness like my house just went through, would have been a disaster with me having postpartum OCD. I would have been an emotional mess. Don’t get me wrong, being sick as a mom and taking care of my kids is a huge challenge, but it is so much harder when dealing with postpartum OCD. I still miss the days where I could just rest when I was sick and lay in bed and watch TV. Sometimes the responsibility is still a lot, but I am much better at managing it now. Even though I am on call 24/7, I still want to remind myself that my needs are still important too. We don’t have to do it alone.