When I was a first time mom, I desperately wanted to be the perfect mom. I was not living up to my own expectations or standards and felt like I would somehow ruin Caia’s life. When I suffered from severe postpartum OCD, that’s all I could ever think about as a mom. I worried so much about messing up that I actually worried myself into fear of hurting my baby. The truth is, we will all mess up as parents, but being their mom is enough.

Trying to be the perfect mom, and perfect at anything, really, is not possible. I don’t know why society has set those expectations for us. Motherhood is supposed to be a challenge. Moms don’t have to have all the answers We grow as moms and children together; that’s the beauty in it. What we see on social media isn’t always real. People post the best parts of their parenting journey. We don’t see when moms are crying in the bathroom from overstimulation (me), or when a mom gives up on cleaning when the house is destroyed by toddlers (also me).

I wish I could have seen that in my own experience of motherhood, but I couldn’t until I had postpartum OCD. I had to take a step back and realize I was going to make mistakes as a mom, and that was okay. Sometimes I will get mad at my children. I mean what human doesn’t. What we have to remember is that we apologize if we mess up, and I always try to do that for my girls. They deserve to grow up in a household where mistakes are forgiven, not held against them.

We can all think of ways we could do more as moms, however, that’s not fair. Our kids love us no matter what. They don’t care if we are experts on sensory play, gentle parenting, or sleep schedules. Our children love being with us, no matter what we are doing. I love just being able to sit with my daughters and watch them run around with their toy strollers. Before I had postpartum OCD, I could have never done that. We will never be perfect moms, but just being their mom is good enough.