Raleigh was my family’s yellow lab that we got when I was 16 years old. She was the kindest dog that loved everyone. Today would have been her 16th birthday. Raleigh passed away when Caia was about 6 months old. It was right when my postpartum OCD was about to hit a breaking point and before I knew I had it. Losing a dog is horrible, and I feel a lot of guilt from that time.

The months before Raleigh passed away, I spent a lot of time at my parents’ house with Caia. This was mainly due to the fact that I was terrified of being alone with Caia. I remember one night in particular I stayed with my siblings there while my parents were gone. Raleigh slept in my childhood bedroom with Caia and me. I wasn’t sleeping at all due to my undiagnosed postpartum OCD, and Raleigh started snoring. I woke her up, and she left. Looking back, I feel terrible. I would have spent the whole night with her if I had known.

Raleigh truly was the kindest dog. My sister and I begged our parents for a dog our whole life, and unfortunately we didn’t get him to cave until I had two years left before college. When I would come home from school, Raleigh would sit with me on the back porch and always try to make me feel better if I cried. Birthdays were her favorite, especially hers. We would give her hot dogs on her walk, make her a cake, and then hide her birthday toys in the couch so she had to come find them.

If I could go back, I would tell Raleigh how sorry I am that I wasn’t myself those last few months of her life. I miss her everyday, and I wish my girls got to know her because she was the best dog. I know that I’m being too hard on myself, and that she would forgive me in a heartbeat, but it’s still hard. If there is anything that can be taken away from this blog post, it’s to give your dog a hug.