Being at the PSI conference last week really reminded me how lucky I was to get postpartum OCD in 2022 versus getting it 50 years ago. I am so thankful for the awareness and education surrounding conditions like postpartum OCD because what could have happened to me if I had this 50 years ago would be a lot different than what happened to me today. Having a fear of being a murderer to your child can sound really scary to someone who doesn’t understand OCD, myself included when it happened to me. I thought I was a scary, dangerous person for having that fear.

To be honest, I am really lucky in how I was able to get treatment and the correct diagnosis. I know that many people, unfortunately do not get that. My number one fear when getting help was that someone would think I am nuts and commit me to a psych ward. 50 years ago, that probably would have happened. When I was a middle school social studies teacher, we went on a field trip to the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum. I remember learning that husbands could commit their wives and they would be stuck until their husbands thought they should come out. I 100% could have been somewhere like that with postpartum OCD back in the day, which I do not agree with at all by the way. I just think about all the moms that could have been put there for perinatal mental health struggles, and it makes me sick.

The stigma that mental health conditions had 50 years ago are really upsetting and unfair. Now that I have experienced what I did, I completely view mental illnesses in a different way. They are conditions like any sickness that should be treated and do not need shame or stigma. I have worked really hard to help raise awareness for postpartum OCD and have even worked to do that in my own family. OCD can convince your mind that you are dangerous and need to protect others from yourself. I can only imagine if I had said my number one fear of life was hurting my own child on purpose 50 years ago. I probably would have lost Caia, and I can’t even bear the thought.

Sadly, so many women back in the day either stayed silent with their perinatal mental health condition or could have been misdiagnosed, shamed, or judged. I am so thankful I was able to get the proper treatment and get my life back. So many people aren’t that lucky. The fact that we are in the middle of this perinatal mental health movement really makes me so happy. Being able to be part of the change that is happening to help other families not have to go through what others did in the past makes what happened to me worthwhile. It really is hard to think about what could have happened to me if times were different.