How we feed our babies is one of the most judged topics I think a mom can face. I had no idea how many people would comment on how you to decide to feed your baby until I became a mom. Unfortunately, there is a lot of shame surrounding how moms feed their babies, and that really needs to stop. After what happened with me with postpartum OCD, I am a firm believer in moms feeding their babies in whatever way is best for their mental health. I can speak from experience, that how we feed our babies is the least of our concerns when tackling the postpartum phase.

I have two girls, a 3 year old and almost 11 month old. I fed one with formula, and am still breastfeeding the second one currently. They are both healthy, thriving girls. No one would ever know the difference on how they were fed. I tried to breastfeed Caia, but that went south very quickly. I was not shown the proper way to latch a baby, nor educated enough on how to breastfeed. When it didn’t work out, I felt personally responsible and like I was a horrible mother. I remember thinking I was a huge failure because what kind of mom fails at breastfeeding?

Looking back, I probably could have breastfed Caia, but I didn’t know enough about what to do. Instead, I tried pumping only, and that took a huge toll on my mental health. I would cry every single time I would get the pump out. To this day, I cannot even look at a pump. I gave up breastfeeding altogether within five weeks. The shame I felt consumed my life. I was so worried I had ruined my bond with Caia. I know now that I didn’t, but at the time I couldn’t think about anything else. The guilt and shame from lack of breastfeeding 100% was a driving force in my postpartum OCD.

Fast forward to my second baby, Emmi. I was determined to breastfeed her this time. However, I promised myself I would quit any time it became too stressful for me, or it wasn’t making me feel good. I am getting to that point. She bites me almost every time I feed her. Despite that, deciding to stop breastfeeding will be MY choice this time. I am not going to let anyone shame me into continuing or stopping breastfeeding. I am proud that I didn’t let postpartum OCD ruin breastfeeding for me. My advice is to feed your baby however is best for YOUR mental health. Do not let anyone influence your decision. Do what is best for you and your baby. No method of feeding is worth your mental health.