One of my all-time favorite shows is Greek from ABC Family. It is one of those shows that I will rewatch periodically because I love it. I have been rewatching it recently, and one of the characters said something that really spoke to me. Cappie, one of the main characters, was talking about believing in “karmic synergy.” His life philosophy is that things will fall into place how they are supposed to happen. After he said that, I kept thinking I really wish I could live my life that way, but having OCD makes that challenging. I have always wanted to control every aspect of my life. However, the more I think about what he said, the more I realize he is right.

When I was in the thick of suffering from postpartum OCD, I felt like my life was completely over. I felt completely lost. Becoming a mom and suffering from postpartum OCD really stripped me of my identity. I no longer had control over my life and felt like I had no idea who I was anymore. At night, I would lay there, wide awake, wishing I could be anyone but myself. It was such a sad, lonely place to be in for me, especially since I felt trapped. The postpartum OCD symptoms consumed my entire life, and I desperately wanted to run away from my life.

Once I got into therapy, I slowly started to find my way back. Throughout each of my sessions, I desperately wanted to find answers why this happened to me. I spent a long time being angry that I had to go through such a hard time in my life. My therapist helped me see that I couldn’t change what happened to me, but I could use it to become more positive within myself. I was able to like myself again, which changed my life. It was okay for me to be angry for a little bit, but not long term. I started to realize I wanted to use what happened to me to help other moms because it can happen to anyone.

What I learned from this extremely hard time in my life, is that it happened exactly as it was supposed to happen, just like how Cappie believed. In some weird way, I was meant to get postpartum OCD because it truly changed my life for the better. Because of postpartum OCD, I found an amazing therapist who changed my life, found my passion is helping moms, and have become the best version of myself. I now get to serve on the board of Postpartum Support International, and I get to work for a great organization helping moms. None of this would have ever happened if I never had postpartum OCD. Even though at the time, I hated what happened to me, I now know it happened exactly how it should. Cappie was right about karmic synergy.