When I first started therapy for postpartum OCD, I was so scared that I had ruined my bond with Caia forever. My mind could only focus on my obsessions before I got treatment, and I was worried that meant I missed too much of Caia’s life. I thought my postpartum OCD had ruined her bond with me, and I was devastated. If you are a mom who has been where I am, the relationship is reparable. I am so thankful because I can truly say that Caia, Emmi and I are best friends.

At first, it was really hard for me to move past the guilt I felt for having postpartum OCD. As time went on, the less guilty I felt. I was able to see that I was always a good mom that gave Caia all the love she needed, and she wouldn’t remember my time with postpartum OCD. Having postpartum OCD was not my fault, and it isn’t yours either.

I will share a little glimpse into my bond with Caia today. Earlier, I was packing for a trip, and Caia wanted to play dentist. For two hours, we sat in my room while she pretended to be my dentist that had to fix my toothache. We laughed and laughed. I am so glad I did that with her. If I was still immersed in my guilt from postpartum OCD, I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy a moment like that. I am forever grateful that I am able to fully be present in the moment with my girls without being obsessed with harming them.

No mom is perfect; even if you are a mom without postpartum OCD. There will always be times where I wish I could have done something differently as a mother. The part of my motherhood journey where I had postpartum OCD, is going to be such a small part that will always remind me of how far I have come. I love being able to say that my girls are my two best friends and love them without fear.