I saw something on TV last week that really bothered me about what the world thinks of people with OCD. No matter how hard we try to educate the world about OCD, some people really just won’t understand what OCD truly is. I finally have been able to watch true crime shows again without having feelings of panic. It took me almost three years to not be triggered by these shows. One of the cases I was truly scared of was the Idaho Murder case with Bryan Kohberger. Every time I saw something about that case for years, I started to get the panicky feeling and fears of being a murderer. This case happened right around the time I was at my worst with Postpartum OCD.

Last week, Dateline had a special about the case. I felt that I was finally able to watch something about it without being triggered. Within the first twenty minutes of the show, Keith Morrison suggested that Kohberger had OCD and that played a part in what he did to those four innocent victims. I was so mad. I couldn’t believe they said that on the show. Number one, if he had OCD, he would have had an intense FEAR of being a murderer. He clearly IS a murderer, meaning that what happened was not because of him having OCD. Him murdering four innocent people means he clearly has something else really wrong, not OCD.

To be honest, I felt like that comment was a slap in the face to my experience and to everyone else who has ever experienced harm OCD. I spent months having an intense fear of harming my daughter on purpose. I went to great lengths to keep her safe, including making sure I had a babysitter at all time, avoiding being alone with her, hiding “weapons”, and making sure to never watch true crime shows in an effort to not “get any ideas.” To hear Keith Morrison say that on Dateline just really made me feel like they are calling people with OCD murderers. What I experienced with postpartum OCD is the furthest thing from being a murderer.

People with OCD have intense fears in their lives, and fearing harming someone, can be one of those fears. The fact that fearing being a murderer consumed my life for so long shows what OCD really is, a deep rooted core fear covered up by an external fear. If Bryan Kohberger had OCD, he would have done ANYTHING to avoid being a murderer, not kill four innocent human beings. I really am bothered by what was said on Dateline because I have worked so hard to overcome my Postpartum OCD and work through my core fear. Sadly, no matter how much education and awareness we raise for OCD, some people will truly never understand what OCD is. It is NOT being a murderer.