`Two years ago, I watched this movie on Netflix called Look Both Ways. I completely forgot about this movie, but it really inspired me. I watched this movie right before I started getting treatment for postpartum OCD. For those that haven’t seen it, the movie is about a girl who has a one-night stand after her college graduation. It shows two different life scenarios for her after that night: one where she is pregnant, and the life she would have if she wasn’t. I was inspired because in the scenario where she was pregnant, she became her own boss as a mom, despite that not being her life path she wanted. I kept thinking, “why can’t I do that?” I kept thinking that same question for a long time. As I was getting better from postpartum OCD, I thought about the question more often.

During the time that I was in therapy, I was also on a “leave of absence” from my teaching job. They were going to hold my position for the year after Caia was born and my plan was to go back. Then i started thinking that I wanted to do something different with my life. I realized how unhappy I was at my teaching job. Teachers are not treated with respect, and i was done being treated that way. The problem was I felt stuck in my career choice, and i felt like I would disappoint my family if i quit.

After watching Look Both Ways, I started to have some hope that I could do something different with my life. In a way, having postpartum OCD changed my life for the better because it gave me the time to start thinking of what I truly wanted to do. I could have continued on the unhealthy path that I was living, and still be unhappy as a teacher. Having postpartum OCD forced me to wake up and realize I was not living my life for myself, but to please others. Being in the education system truly beat me down, and I didn’t want to live like that anymore.

Being in therapy for a year, gave me the confidence to branch out and actually take action to change what I was doing with my life. I got the idea to create a blog to help other moms, then I joined the PSI board. I have been so much happier doing those things, and I feel like I have finally felt where I belong. Watching the movie Look Both Ways on Netflix truly inspired me to try to become my own “mom boss.” When I started thinking “why not me,” instead of “why can’t that be me,” I started getting more hopeful to change my life. Even though postpartum OCD was not part of my plan, it was part of my transformation, and for that I am grateful.