Are so stressful. They really are. Growing up I always had the best holidays. I never saw any of the tension, and for that, I am grateful. Now that I am the mom, I have realized that my mom probably had a really challenging time with everything that comes with holidays. It makes me appreciate her more. I assumed holidays a mom would just be these magical moments with my kids, and everyone would be happy. That cannot be further from the truth. Holidays require a lot of planning, managing family expectations, and trying to make things as magical as possible for my girls. The work that goes in is exhausting.

On top of all of the planning with holidays, I already struggle with my OCD tendencies. They come out more during stressful times, so I see them a lot during holidays. I have been trying to manage family expectations and there is just a lot of tension. I am sure many families deal with this issue. My husband and my parents both live in our town. Each family wants us to be there for every holiday. That is just not possible. We feel like we can’t make anyone happy. I am also trying to balance mine and Dalton’s past holiday traditions plus creating our own with our little family. I can’t even explain the stress and guilt this ignites within me.

Mother’s Day has been particularly challenging for me. I want one day to have with my girls where I didn’t have to be the default parent. I don’t want to have to wake up, get everyone all the meals, and do the laundry/chores. At the same time, I am always worried about pleasing everyone in our families. I personally feel that Mother’s Day should be about me spending time with my little family, because I am the one with newer kids. It’s too hard to please everyone, and I just ended up being upset that day. I want to make everyone happy, but it is just not possible. This Mother’s Day was the first one where my husband didn’t have to work in 4 years, and it was still hard. I am honestly at the point where I would like to ignore the holiday in the future.

Everyone wants to have access to my girls during holidays, and I understand. Caia and Emmi are so cute and fun to be around. I also want my holidays to be fun for me too. I only get a handful of holidays with my girls when they are really little. I don’t want the memories to be of me crying in a corner and having a dramatic explosion. (Those have currently been some of my holiday memories). Boundaries have never been my best skill. I am still learning as I go on how to set boundaries. Holidays are still where I need to learn how to improve. Even though holidays are about trying to make magic for my kids, I want to be able to look back as their mom with fabulous memories with them on holidays.