My worst postpartum OCD fear was developing postpartum psychosis. There is nothing worse on this earth to me than fearing hurting my own children on purpose. Before I was diagnosed with postpartum OCD I never heard of anything other than postpartum depression. I knew nothing about postpartum OCD or psychosis. My number one fear at the time was becoming Andrea Yates. I was scared of being a huge monster to myself and my family. Since this time, I have gotten so much education surrounding all of the different perinatal mental health conditions. Now I just feel heartbroken for the families who have gone through what Andrea Yates and Lindsay Clancy’s families have gone through. It could have been prevented.

Postpartum OCD and Psychosis have always had such a shame and stigma surrounding them. That is what I have worked so hard to change in the last three years. When someone hears being afraid being a murderer of their own child, everyone immediately jumps to thinking this person is unsafe for their baby. I felt like that’s what people thought of me at first. I used to think Andrea Yates was a monster. I, too, misunderstood the diagnosis. Now that I have had more education, I now just feel sad and heartbroken about the situation. She clearly had psychosis and needed help.

I have been watching the Lindsay Clancy trial this week. When the incident first occurred, I had just recently been diagnosed with postpartum OCD. So of course, when I see this on the Daily Mail, I had a freak out. I kept thinking “what if this was me?” and crying so hard. Now that I am in such a different place, I am able to see that what happened to her was postpartum psychosis. I am not going to lie, the trial has been extremely triggering for me. It is hard to listen to everything that happened and not put myself in the situation. However, I am proud of myself that I can listen to it at all. I would not have been able to do this three years ago.

Now that I am seeing the Lindsay Clancy trial, I am hoping her family gets the justice they deserve. Clearly, Lindsay Clancy had postpartum psychosis just like Andrea Yates. Her symptoms are heartbreaking to hear. She and her husband clearly tried everything to get her help. This trial has also shown me how misunderstood postpartum psychosis still really is to people. Watching the prosecutors tear apart Lindsay Clancy is really hard to see. Postpartum psychosis used to be my number one postpartum OCD fear, and it is not anymore. I just want to keep fighting for the moms and families who suffer through these disorders, because we all deserve it.