Last year, I thought I was having a major regression in my postpartum OCD during October. Everything triggered me, from the leaves changing to the kids Halloween movies. Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of what I went through in October of 2022 with my postpartum OCD. I remember crying thinking that I was going back to the dark hole that I was in when I was afraid to be alone with Caia. Luckily for me, it was just me remembering old trauma from having postpartum OCD. Like I have said before, if you have postpartum OCD, it’s not something you forget.

This year was totally different for me. I made it through almost all of October with no issues. I am happy and shocked. Last night, I was in the kitchen with my two daughters, cooking. We were watching Hocus Pocus together, and I was happy. I remember looking around, smiling, and thinking to myself, “I made it.” I am not afraid of October anymore. I have been able to watch all of my old favorite kids Halloween movies again, look at leaves, and go get pumpkins without being afraid of being alone with my daughters. I have never felt such relief and happiness in my life.

I have made so many good memories this year with my daughters that it is helped me replace my terrible ones from postpartum OCD. I remember being so upset last year telling my therapist that October is ruined for me forever. She told me it wouldn’t be. I didn’t believe her at the time, but she was right. I am still able to do the things I have always wanted to do with my daughters without being afraid of postpartum OCD. I love that I can spend time with my daughters, doing fall activities and not dread them or have a fear of being reminded of what I went through.

Even though postpartum OCD causes trauma to your life, it can also spark growth. I used to be terrified of October. This month marks for me the time where my postpartum OCD symptoms were the worst. I will never forget what happened to me. Postpartum OCD changed my life. However, looking back two years later, I have grown so much. Being able to enjoy October with my daughters means everything to me now. I am finally able to move on with my life. I am not scared of October anymore.