When I was little, there was nothing better for me than the holidays. I have the best memories from Christmas and Thanksgiving with my family, and I know I have my parents to thank for that. Now that I am in their shoes, as a parent myself, I see how hard holidays must have been for them. Traveling with small children is not easy, trying to make everyone in your families happy with holiday plans is next to impossible, and making sure your children have the most fabulous holiday memories is so much pressure. I don’t know how parents can be expected to do it all.

When Caia was born, I felt like I had to please everyone with the holidays. I wanted to make everyone happy in our families, but I quickly learned that was almost impossible. Unfortunately, there is not enough time at the holidays to fit everyone in the way I would like, and that is so hard. I remember I ended up crying during Thanksgiving and Christmas for Caia’s first holiday season. Having just been diagnosed with postpartum OCD around that time didn’t help either. I am so sad that my first holiday season as a mom was spent with me being upset. I know that Caia won’t remember that time in her life, but I will.

Fast forward to Caia’s second holiday season, I still ended up upset. I felt so out of control realizing that no matter what plans my husband and I chose, that we were still upsetting someone in our families. I ended up crying again for both Christmas and Thanksgiving. That is what I remember most from Caia’s first couple of holidays. It seems at the holidays, there is not enough of us as moms to go around. We are expected to do what our families want from us each holiday season, even if it makes us unhappy. Personally, I don’t think that is fair. I want to be able to make happy holiday memories with my little family during this time of year, not of me crying.

Now that I have Emmi and Caia, I am determined to make this holiday season better for them and me. It is Emmi’s first holiday season in her life, and Caia’s first holiday season with a sister. I know they are my number priority when it comes to happiness during this time, but I also want good holiday memories as a mom. This year is my first holiday season with my two daughters. The holidays have always been my favorite time of year, and I want it to stay that way. I want to remember my girls’ holidays, when they are little, with happy memories of our little family and not of me crying in my room. I think all moms deserve that. We only get a handful of holidays when our kids are small, and it shouldn’t be remembered as a time filled with tears and stress.