So much of what I went through with my postpartum OCD was mostly due to lack of awareness. I was living my life completely unaware that I had OCD/anxiety and was the perfect target for postpartum OCD to turn my whole world upside down. Before this happened to me, I didn’t even think to mention that OCD ran in my family to my doctors, or that Hashimoto’s put me at a greater risk for postpartum OCD. Looking back, I wish so badly someone just thought to warn me about what I was going to go through because postpartum OCD really did slap me in the face.

Now that I am aware of OCD and how it has affected my me, I can look back on my life through a different lens. So many of my experiences growing up were impacted by OCD and no one knew how to help me. My number one symptom of perfectionism started very young. I am talking kindergarten/first grade. Getting something wrong in school or life would crush my entire world. I never could understand how to forgive myself for mistakes, and I really wish I could have. I still struggle with that to this day, and I have been in therapy for years.

I used to be a very brave person until my first major episode of OCD when I was 12. That was when I got an extreme fear of throwing up. I couldn’t go anywhere. I refused to go in the car, to school, or on any outings because I was terrified of throwing up. There was nothing I could do to stop it. My family thought I was absolutely nuts. When I started asking my mom every single night to promise me that I wouldn’t throw up in my sleep, I wish they would have gotten me help. Even I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure it out.

Sadly, it took until I was 28 years old to be diagnosed with OCD. The only reason that happened was because I got severe postpartum OCD. Looking back, a lot of my “quirks” in childhood were really OCD. I know that my life could have been so much different had I known I had OCD when I first started showing symptoms in childhood. I know that my life happened how it was supposed to happen, but I still wish I had known sooner. That is why I advocate so hard for postpartum OCD. OCD awareness truly could change so many lives for the better.