Normally, I love snowstorms. I love being snowed in and getting to enjoy my coffee and TV shows with my fireplace. Snowstorms with toddlers are totally different. I am trapped in my own personal hell with no personal space, time to myself, and am followed by little tornadoes of destruction throughout my house. This week has not been good for my mental health or my OCD. No amount of “snow day” activities has been able to save my sanity. I have tried everything. I love my girls, but it is so hard to be snowed in with toddlers and not lose it.

The week started out decently. I have been doing my usual work as well as taking care of Caia and Emmi. However, it went downhill fast. Caia got angry that I was on FaceTime with my sister and put my AirPods in water and broke them. I tried really hard not to get upset and lose my patience. Then, when I didn’t get up fast enough to get Caia something she wanted, she destroyed the card game my grandpa bought me right before he died. I tried really hard not to lose it then. Then, Caia got mad at me for not giving her all of my attention for five minutes and threw all of her books off her bookshelf. I also can’t forget them getting out every toy under the sun and destroying my house. I am still trying not to lose my sh*t.

How on earth do people keep their patience with toddlers?! It is hard enough when we aren’t snowed in, but being trapped at home makes it so much worse. This has truly affected my OCD, and I am ashamed and disappointed in myself for having an OCD spike. I have been taken back to my postpartum OCD days. I started worrying that getting angry means that I could be a murderer, and I get so scared and upset. It is the worst feeling in the world. I haven’t had an OCD flare like this in a long time. I literally started even asking my husband for reassurance again. Am I back there again?! Really? I am so mad at myself.

Most days this week I have wanted to hide. I just want to sit by myself by the fire with my coffee and TV shows. Is that too much to ask?! I am grateful for my girls, but this week has been really hard on my mental health. I know that I should give myself grace during this time. Any mom would be stressed living with toddlers in a snowstorm. I hope that one day I will be able to look back on this time and laugh, but right now I can’t. OCD is something I have to live with, and I am just trying to get through this flare. It feels a little better to write about it. This really has been the snowstorm from hell.